Secret Treasures

Many of you have probably read my initial post on my previous site at Tumblr entitled "The Unromantic Husband and the Romantic Wife."  Honestly, I received quite some diverse reactions to it, which I choose not to disclose. Because of its controversial tendencies, I put it on private mode.  However, in my transition from one site to another (I actually transferred thrice --- from Tumblr, to Wordpress, and finally to Blogger) in my search for specific features, I lost the post.  

Hence, this is my attempt to re-write one of the same topic.  As much as I want to do the whole thing without changes, I cannot for the life of me, remember the words.  I decided then to change the title.  

It does. 

Especially to us wives.  (And I hear a loud chorus of "Amen!")

If it wasn't too unromantic, we would take the reins of romance in our relationships and work on realizing our own romantic ideas to surprise ourselves on our special days!  So when a friend-husband comes to consult you on what to do for his wife's birthday, your thoughts come bubbling right out without hesitation.  

We, wives, are our own event-organizers which we so wish our husbands would be! We think of the most creative ways to show ourselves some appreciation on an ordinary day and then expect our spouses to flesh it out.  Of course, we don't share with them our ideas (as that's too unromantic, either).  We simply like to assume their brains are processing towards the same direction as ours.  Then when they reach a different destination, we complain.  Others whine.  Yet others actually turn the disappointment into one huge World War III.

You wonder, "Why is he so clueless?"  My answer, he is just being a man.

Not that all men are clueless.  And not that men are just so insensitive.  They actually have a clue about many things we women are certainly clueless about --- like electrical wirings, fixing cars, plumbing work, carpentry, and many more.  Men are not insensitive.  Believe me, they can hear a sound from your running car that tells him something is wrong, while you don't even hear a whit.  They can tell just by the thermostat whether the AC's compressor needs to be replaced or it simply needs freon.  Oh no, men are not insensitive.

Sadly, we wives don't find that romantic.  However, if you are willing to take a fresh perspective, I can share with you a secret I have learned in the past seven years or so.

When your husband is sweating out fixing the car and you stand behind him, helping out by giving him the needed tools, bringing him a glass of water, handing him out a face towel without any hint of complaint on your face (and vocal tone)?  That, my dear,  is one big turn on for the men.  They find this exact scene 'romantic'.  Of course, they don't giggle when you hand them a glass of water.  Nor do they sigh when you give them a face towel.  But they don't feel romance the way we wives do, as well!  If they did, I would have second thoughts about their gender!

Their idea of romance is making sure we are safe and protected.  When you need  a new pair of shoes to replace your kaputt (and I mean, really worn out) ones, their sense of romance is in giving you cash to buy one, not to surprise you with one.  They may not sing to you a love song, but when he lets you sing your heart out despite your lack of melody, clap your hands and jump for joy --- he is being very romantic!

Chill, sistah! You expect your spouse to act out your style when he is his own individual. You expect your husband to speak your romance language when he has his own unique one.  Our part is to SEE and HEAR his style, his language.   When we do, the frustrations will fade away, and you will begin to appreciate his romantic idiosyncrasy.  And yes, he does have to learn yours too. But...this blog goes out to us wives, not to the husbands.

Cease from your lamentations.  You gotta love his romantic side. NEVER compare your husband with another man, nor demand he follow the other man's romantic style. You said your I do to him, and not to Brad Pitt.  You said your I do to your husband, and not to your father, nor to your pastor.