Secret Treasures

About almost eleven years ago, I read a book that was popularly passed around in our youth group entitled "God Chasers" by Tommy Tenney.  I think it will remain to be a classic in the years to come. Every spiritually hungry Christian should look for this book and take the time to devour it. Before Mike Bickle's "Passion for Jesus", before Misty Edwards' songs of intimacy with God, there was the God Chasers. And everyone in the first batch of E4J (Extreme 4 Jesus) will shout "Amen!"

What does Tommy Tenney's unforgettable book got to do with being a young wife, or with the topic of marriage for that matter?  Well, there was this one particular chapter where Tommy wrote about Intimacy.  He said that the word Intimacy means "Into Me See".  This struck me deep.  I began to see my relationship with God in a whole new depth.  And this is where I take off with marriage.

Marriage is a beautiful picture of our intimacy with God, except for the physical or sexual aspect of it.  The whole idea of your relationship with your spouse is to depict the desired covenant relationship God wants to have with us.  It is an into-me-see kind of relationship.  You and your spouse should be the most transparent when you're with each other.  Your husband must be able to see and know who you are in the depths of your being, and still declare his love and acceptance of you, the way God does with us.  The same expectation is held for you towards your husband.  It is in that context of relationship that true love begins to stand out in the midst of all other acclaimed "love" around us, where one leaves his or her partner the moment they get disgusted with what they see.

The only way such vulnerability can take place is to create an environment in your marriage where each of you feels safe to be who you are, without fear of rejection, or judgment from the other.  This can be tough because of the dynamics of our fallen nature, but it is also not impossible when the Perfect Love Himself is the center of your marriage. 

I think that in all our going-eight-years of married life, vulnerability was the toughest state I had to learn to enter into.  I grew up with a habit of putting up a strong, invincible facade all the time.  I detested my weaknesses, so I never permitted anyone to see them lest they too would have the same reaction as I did or worse, use my weaknesses against me.  The sad part of this attempt to protect yourself is that when you prohibit your partner from seeing and knowing who you really are inside, you also prohibit yourself from receiving a deeper kind of love.  You have to take the risk, if you want your marriage to grow beyond superficiality.  Covenant leaves a lot of room for such kind of risks, and it is bittersweet, painful yet beautiful when you begin to step into the limelight and expose yourself vulnerably to your spouse...and instead of rejection, you receive forgiveness; instead of judgment, you receive a second chance.  It is such a powerful moment that it actually changes you. It melts the hardened old you, and creates a tender new you.

Of course, there were times when the ugly parts of me provoked the ugly parts of my husband to come out into the open too.  At that moment, we both looked like two boxing champs in the arena (well, at least I still felt like a champ!), the limelight shining brightly on each of us.  Every scar starkly visible, every cut openly exposed to each other. We would end up attacking each other's weak points, inducing ourselves to further pain.  But when Jesus, the Great Referee, calls for the end of Round 12, we still had to embrace one another, cry in pain, and choose --- amid all the bruises and bleeding wounds --- to forgive.  To give each other another chance at Love.

You would never know the depths of such love until you've really been into those depths of vulnerability.  You would also never come to such a place of openness, if you and your spouse do not understand covenant.

It will always remain an irony that along with Love comes pain, and that the proof of love is the extent of death you are willing to go through for the good of your beloved.  Just look at the Cross.

And for every wife, how much should you love your spouse? Just look at the Cross.  That much.