Dating is Not a Game
This post is for all you single ladies.
Hollywood and all her alliances are very pushy on this subject, telling us that it's all just a game one can play, might get hurt in the process, but can still be in the game. They make dating sound like it's the most trivial things worth risking your all --- which is downright ridiculous. You do not risk your all on something so trivial.
Still, a lot of young women (sadly, there are some older ones too) fall into this hypnotic daze of getting in and trying to enjoy the so-called "Dating Game".
Personally, I don't see Dating as sin. But neither is it a game.
I've been asked recently whether I approve dating or not, but there is just no direct answer for that. Here are my pieces about the subject though, which none of you are obligated to follow, but just in case you're interested to know:
1. Date only when you are ready to commit to a relationship.
- I am not saying that the one you date should already be the man you will commit to. What I am saying is, if you are not yet ready for a serious relationship, don't date. Why? Because if you happen to date the man of your dreams, and you are not yet ready for a relationship, then baby, you are just tickling your senses, endlessly frustrating and unnecessarily distracting yourself. He may be a good distraction, but nevertheless, still a distraction. What do I mean by 'ready'? I mean ready for a serious relationship that can lead to marriage at most a year after. That cuts all the buts. As long as you are unfinished with your studies, you have around you all kinds of easy distractions to keep you just right there in your studies --- unfinished. Why add more?? That is why the Song of Songs says, "Do not awaken love until it so desires." It talks about the maturity of love where it desires soooo much it will do anything to fulfill its desires. Premature awakening of love might lead you to do anything to fulfill its desires, but find you unprepared at the moment of reckoning.
2. Date with an open mind but a guarded heart.
- Guard your heart. Engage your mind on a date night, but keep your heart guarded. The subjects closest to your heart ought not to be shared on a date. Oh yes, talk about facts, about your dog, your cat, your favorite movies, desserts, sports, etc... But the deeper intimate subjects about you, keep them safe in your heart. So you must first determine, what are the issues or "stuff" closest to your heart? I read somewhere that you must draw three lines around your heart, much like the Tabernacle of Moses. There is the Outer Court, the Inner Court, and then the Holy of Holies. It would be wise to create such boundaries around your heart when dating.
3. You don't have to date every man who asks you out.
- Do the initial screening by honest prayer that's really open to hear what God has to say. You would not want to waste more time than you already are in other areas of your life. *lol* At the same time, don't be led by the common fear of "what if he is not the right one for me?". If he is a brother in Christ, decent enough, sensible to talk to, maintains a job, why not? Not saying also that he is the right one for you. After all, it's just a date, not the wedding day. *lol* What I'm saying is, unless there is just a super clear "bzzzzz" from the Holy Spirit not to go out with this guy, then go by the guidelines I wrote above.
4. Keep the date a casual date, and do not make it into a wedding night, or a prelude of some sort.
- Please, don't try to create a Jerry Maguire first date scene. Keep your head on top of things and don't recreate your Hollywood romantic dream scenes on a date.
5. If it's a first, a second, a third, or a fourth, with the same guy, keep it light and public still.
- Better yet, do some of those with groups so you'll know how he is with other people. Avoid having a first date in a movie house, alone, sitting beside each other. That's just too intimate for a first date. *bad taste*
6. Remember to clearly draw the line between "dating" and "in a relationship".
- Please, by all means, make sure you define your status. Do not let the dating phase simply blur into the lines of being in a relationship, all implied by the frequency of dates. A date does not immediately imply a relationship. Courtship should have a clear graduating phase, not a gradual, blurry evolution to a serious relationship. Otherwise, you encourage a "it just happened" attitude towards your relationship. With that kind of approach, you are treating your love towards each other as accidental, coincidental, rather than purposeful and intentional, both of which are essential attributes of true love.
How would you feel when you receive your salvation in Christ Jesus, you would hear a "Oh, it just so happened you were in church all the time so I ended up loving you" kind of message from God? That would not be too great a love, nor would it be an authentic love relationship. When my husband called me long distance from Canada telling me, that the Lord told him to "go home and marry Happy (me)", he did not know it was my final confirmation of what I heard from the Lord two years before that call came. When I revealed this to him, after much shock, we had to immediately define our relationship. We were real good close friends before the call. Still, we had to verbalize the definition. I remember asking, "So, does this mean we're now engaged?" With his typical manly manner, he simply said, "Yeah, I guess." Despite the lack of cheesy romantic words, it was not blurry, it was not confusing. The redefining of a friendship into being an engaged couple sealed our next move: Marriage. Your relationship must be intentional and not merely coincidental, not even accidental.
7. Dress decently, not provocatively on your date.
- You would want his intentions towards you to be clear that he is not aiming for you to be his sexual conquest, but that he wants to get to know you as a decent woman and friend. Don't get romantic and mushy on a first date. Keep it on a friendship level. The best marriages run on real good friendships that are based on mutual honor and respect for one another.
-----------------------------------
I can't believe I actually reached 7! I may have missed some, but for now, these are what easily popped in my mind while typing away. To be honest, I am no Date Expert as I only seriously dated my fiance! I always held in principle that while I was in college, I wouldn't go out on a date. Check out my piece # 1. Had God not spoken to my husband during the last semester of college, I probably would have gone on a couple of dates after graduation--- if asked.
Hollywood and all her alliances are very pushy on this subject, telling us that it's all just a game one can play, might get hurt in the process, but can still be in the game. They make dating sound like it's the most trivial things worth risking your all --- which is downright ridiculous. You do not risk your all on something so trivial.
Still, a lot of young women (sadly, there are some older ones too) fall into this hypnotic daze of getting in and trying to enjoy the so-called "Dating Game".
Personally, I don't see Dating as sin. But neither is it a game.
I've been asked recently whether I approve dating or not, but there is just no direct answer for that. Here are my pieces about the subject though, which none of you are obligated to follow, but just in case you're interested to know:
1. Date only when you are ready to commit to a relationship.
- I am not saying that the one you date should already be the man you will commit to. What I am saying is, if you are not yet ready for a serious relationship, don't date. Why? Because if you happen to date the man of your dreams, and you are not yet ready for a relationship, then baby, you are just tickling your senses, endlessly frustrating and unnecessarily distracting yourself. He may be a good distraction, but nevertheless, still a distraction. What do I mean by 'ready'? I mean ready for a serious relationship that can lead to marriage at most a year after. That cuts all the buts. As long as you are unfinished with your studies, you have around you all kinds of easy distractions to keep you just right there in your studies --- unfinished. Why add more?? That is why the Song of Songs says, "Do not awaken love until it so desires." It talks about the maturity of love where it desires soooo much it will do anything to fulfill its desires. Premature awakening of love might lead you to do anything to fulfill its desires, but find you unprepared at the moment of reckoning.
2. Date with an open mind but a guarded heart.
- Guard your heart. Engage your mind on a date night, but keep your heart guarded. The subjects closest to your heart ought not to be shared on a date. Oh yes, talk about facts, about your dog, your cat, your favorite movies, desserts, sports, etc... But the deeper intimate subjects about you, keep them safe in your heart. So you must first determine, what are the issues or "stuff" closest to your heart? I read somewhere that you must draw three lines around your heart, much like the Tabernacle of Moses. There is the Outer Court, the Inner Court, and then the Holy of Holies. It would be wise to create such boundaries around your heart when dating.
3. You don't have to date every man who asks you out.
- Do the initial screening by honest prayer that's really open to hear what God has to say. You would not want to waste more time than you already are in other areas of your life. *lol* At the same time, don't be led by the common fear of "what if he is not the right one for me?". If he is a brother in Christ, decent enough, sensible to talk to, maintains a job, why not? Not saying also that he is the right one for you. After all, it's just a date, not the wedding day. *lol* What I'm saying is, unless there is just a super clear "bzzzzz" from the Holy Spirit not to go out with this guy, then go by the guidelines I wrote above.
4. Keep the date a casual date, and do not make it into a wedding night, or a prelude of some sort.
- Please, don't try to create a Jerry Maguire first date scene. Keep your head on top of things and don't recreate your Hollywood romantic dream scenes on a date.
5. If it's a first, a second, a third, or a fourth, with the same guy, keep it light and public still.
- Better yet, do some of those with groups so you'll know how he is with other people. Avoid having a first date in a movie house, alone, sitting beside each other. That's just too intimate for a first date. *bad taste*
6. Remember to clearly draw the line between "dating" and "in a relationship".
- Please, by all means, make sure you define your status. Do not let the dating phase simply blur into the lines of being in a relationship, all implied by the frequency of dates. A date does not immediately imply a relationship. Courtship should have a clear graduating phase, not a gradual, blurry evolution to a serious relationship. Otherwise, you encourage a "it just happened" attitude towards your relationship. With that kind of approach, you are treating your love towards each other as accidental, coincidental, rather than purposeful and intentional, both of which are essential attributes of true love.
How would you feel when you receive your salvation in Christ Jesus, you would hear a "Oh, it just so happened you were in church all the time so I ended up loving you" kind of message from God? That would not be too great a love, nor would it be an authentic love relationship. When my husband called me long distance from Canada telling me, that the Lord told him to "go home and marry Happy (me)", he did not know it was my final confirmation of what I heard from the Lord two years before that call came. When I revealed this to him, after much shock, we had to immediately define our relationship. We were real good close friends before the call. Still, we had to verbalize the definition. I remember asking, "So, does this mean we're now engaged?" With his typical manly manner, he simply said, "Yeah, I guess." Despite the lack of cheesy romantic words, it was not blurry, it was not confusing. The redefining of a friendship into being an engaged couple sealed our next move: Marriage. Your relationship must be intentional and not merely coincidental, not even accidental.
7. Dress decently, not provocatively on your date.
- You would want his intentions towards you to be clear that he is not aiming for you to be his sexual conquest, but that he wants to get to know you as a decent woman and friend. Don't get romantic and mushy on a first date. Keep it on a friendship level. The best marriages run on real good friendships that are based on mutual honor and respect for one another.
-----------------------------------
I can't believe I actually reached 7! I may have missed some, but for now, these are what easily popped in my mind while typing away. To be honest, I am no Date Expert as I only seriously dated my fiance! I always held in principle that while I was in college, I wouldn't go out on a date. Check out my piece # 1. Had God not spoken to my husband during the last semester of college, I probably would have gone on a couple of dates after graduation--- if asked.
hello ms happy! i have read the part where you said that you knew about marrying your husband two years before he called.
if you dont mind, can you share your experiences while waiting for the final confirmation? was there a time that you got consumed over the thought of marrying? was there a point that you actually wanted to tell him that he's the one? what were your struggles and the lessons that God has taught you over the period of waiting?
i actually have read a lot about what people do while waiting but didnt get to hear much about the experiences of women who already knew whom they're gonna marry and how they handled the waiting period.
thank you ms. happy! God bless!
Hi Ms. Anonymous! Thanks for taking the time to put up a comment in here. I appreciate your questions, all of which are both significant and valid. However, I have decided to answer them by writing another blog since it would be too long to squeeze in to a comment box. So look out for it pretty soon! :D Blessings!