Let Your Man Wear the Pants
Recently I had a very funny vision of Adam and Even in the Garden of Eden when they decided to eat the fruit from the forbidden tree. Of course, I cannot guarantee you that this came from God. Most likely, it was another product of my ridiculous imaginative mind. But here is the picture:
Eve listens to the sly serpent market the fruit. The serpent sounds like the perfect sales man,
able to make you feel like you really need to have it. Fast forward, Eve takes a bite from the
fruit and voila, her eyes are suddenly charged with a vicious kind of light, no longer that of holy
innocence, but a sinister form of intelligent 'spark'. It suddenly converts the formerly submissive
wife into a hyperactive, nagging woman, filled with so-called "smart ideas" (she just took the first
bite from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil after all), and now, she is the ultimate endorser
of Eden's First Forbidden Fruit. Her market? Adam.
Adam was going to say something. He tried. Hard, actually. Here is my imagined dialogue in script
form...
Adam: Eve, I don't think---
Eve: Oh Adam, it is the most super duper uber delicious fruit in the whooooole of Eden, I swear! You really should try it! Look, I am still alive! Look at me! Are you listening? Don't you care what I think about this fruit, Adam? Adam! I thought you love me! I thought you care for me! If you really do, you should at least consider my tastes! Come on, Adam, try it! Please, please, pretty please....
Adam: No, Eve, the Father said...
Eve: Look, I'm going to take another bite. (Bites) See, I'm still alive! Come on, Adam. Just give it a try. Don't you care about what I feel? You always think about yourself, about what God thinks of you, about what God says here and there. You're always thinking about what's good for everyone. What's good for Eden, what's good for the world, what's good, what's good... What about me, Adam? Why can't I have this fruit when it feels and tastes so good?! What is wrong with you? Don't you want me to be fulfilled and happy and satisfied?!
And the words go on and on like an incessant raging river of whines and cries and nags. Adam decides that in order for Eve to just stop talking, he will have to just take one tiny bite ----
just so Eve would STOP TALKING.
And the rest is human history.
Of course, this scene is not in the Bible. But reality makes it easy to imagine. Especially our culture's reality.
Here is the man, the one God has mandated to lead the marriage and his family --- your husband, mind you. He is doing his best to make the right decision. He is processing to see what is the best thing he can do in a particular predicament his family is in. His processor might still be Pentium 4 while yours is a dual core running at minimum of 2 GHz. In technological matters, yours is sure to lead. In relational matters, speed does not determine leadership position. It is by divine assignment. And in this case, Pentium 4 has been appointed to lead the Dual Core.
Ladies, our husbands process better without extra noises. His mind considers many things we women don't. They take longer time to make a decision because they are aware of their responsibility once the decision is finalized and realized. They may be quiet while processing because that's how they think things through best. They are not like us, who enjoy thinking out loud even if it sometimes makes no sense.
Our role as wives is to assist in their decision-making process, NOT to make the decision. Believe me, there is a great schism between those two roles. In assisting, we only present viable options, possible consequences, and alternative methods. Presenting is different from insisting. Must I elaborate that the former verb is not imposing, not demanding, and leaves a huge open room for a voluntary choice whether the presented idea is acceptable or not?
Let us wear our skirts well, and let the men wear their pants up. Let your husbands lead without you interfering all the time. Wait for your husband to ask for your "most priceless" opinions rather than brag about them. Stop comparing your processor to his and perhaps he might end up wanting to upgrade in the near future --- by asking the Lord, or his own comrades, and not you to upgrade him (hihihihi).
Wives, it does not make you any less sharp or smart if your husbands are the ones calling the shots in your homes. It does not make you any less important or useful in the marriage if you let your husband lead while you assist alongside.
Fulfillment is found in knowing that you are in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. And when we wives function as a helpmeet, not as the leader of the house, we will find true contentment in knowing that we are at our right place doing the right thing at the right time.
