When His Day Off Has a Different Meaning
This topic is one of the
closest to my heart because it was one of the earliest adjustments I had to
embrace. It actually took me a while (maybe three months, the longest) to
finally say my I do to his way of spending a day off.
I grew up independent.
I spent four and a half years in college alone in Manila, away from family,
from the comforts and convenience of home. I owned no car, so I had to
commute all the time, mostly by myself, having to find places and at times
getting lost — ALL BY MYSELF. I saw it as an adventure and
many times found myself enjoying the “lost moments”
because it actually added to the idea of real independence. Needless to say,
that concept appealed much to me.
So imagine an independent,
energetic girl married and becoming a housewife!
Yes, that was my beginnings
of married life. I was, and still am certainly NOT CUT OUT for “housewifery”.
Nevertheless, it was the season God ordained for me. Though it was full of
inconvenience, discontentment, depression and many weeping nights, in
hindsight, I know it was a very much needed process for me to go through. By
the time I was about at the end of the tunnel, I had already learned to find my
significance not in a career or in my visible success. God was redefining
how I saw myself. I am so grateful He brought me to and through all of
that.
I’m
digressing. I know this was supposed to be about day offs. So here is
where it comes in. Because I was a housewife, my idea of a day off was of
course to get out of the house and go anywhere but near it! Because my husband
was already handling the youth ministry and out of the house most of the time,
his idea of a day off was to spend it right at home!
At this point, I could hear
Evita singing “Where do we go from here?”
Of course we were still newly
married, so I always had the notion to spend the day off together as a young
couple, but where and how became a regular argument between us. Spending
my day off at home was just a waste of time in my point of view. Spending
his day off outside the house was a sheer waste of time and money in his point
of view.
I remember the initial
feeling of being imprisoned and held captive by my own husband. Wives,
that is one emotion you should never entertain or even consider for a
moment. It will nag at you and knock on the doors of your heart. It
will oftentimes demand to dwell in your heart as if it owns it! Do not yield.
God owns your heart and He gets the choice of what and who dwells in it.
I was independent like I
said. I would leave the house and my husband in it on his day-off and go
to the malls by myself. However, I found it hard to enjoy my time when I knew I
left my beloved alone at home. It did not take long. I finally gave in and acted
on my I do, albeit begrudgingly at first. I tried hard to see it from his
vantage point. Somehow, when my heart opened to the possibility that his ideas
might just be better than mine, I began to slowly enjoy his ways.
We would sleep in until it
was time to cook for lunch. I would get up, cook lunch and wake him up when
food was ready. We would then take turns washing dishes as we did not have any
helper until we had our first child. We did the household chores together
and strangely, I began to enjoy staying home and just being with my
husband. We did not have to be physically intimate the whole day for it
to be fun. There was that, of course. But not the whole day! Just
the mere knowledge that I am doing things together with my husband felt so
right and fulfilling. It wasn’t so much about what
we were doing as it was about who we were with. Spending time together builds
intimacy with each other.
Now if that was what day offs
were meant for (which I'm beginning to think it is), then I'd
say “I spent it wisely.” Day off does
not just mean doing whatever you want. It’s
that Sabbath idea of resting —-but resting
WELL. There is no rest when you do things that don’t
build up your marriage, even if it’s something you
personally like to do.
The point is, my style is not
always the best. My idea is not always the wisest and most fun. What is
interesting, however, is that when I learned to embrace his way of spending the
day off, he began to try out mine. I guess sowing and reaping still play a big
part in married life, not just in our finances.
Don't
be afraid to let go of your style and embrace your husband's.
Remember, when you let go of your preference to embrace his, you did not lose
anything. You simply gained something new.
