Secret Treasures

If truth be told, there are many factors that affect a woman's choice of her dressing.  Most women oftentimes dress up for other women, and then there is also quite a large group who would not be quick to admit they dress up for the men.  Of course, there is a small percentage of the female species who simply dress up for their own comfort, not caring so much about how they look on the outward.

As a wife, I have had to reevaluate my fashion tastes and my personal motives for dressing up.  In my college years, I have had journeyed from being part of that small percentage who just don't care, to the group that dresses up to impress other women, to dressing up for the men.  When I got married, all that had to change.  I had to make that choice.  I still do --- consciously, every day, before I leave the house.

When I face the mirror to assess how I look, I deliberately ask myself this question: Who am I dressing up for?

1Peter 3:3-5 commands the wives with these instructions:

"Do not let your adornment be merely outward --- arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel --- rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.  For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands."

Wives, when we said our I do to our husband, we proclaimed exclusivity by choice.  That means to say, you have made yourself exclusively your husband's woman.  His to behold, to hold, to have, to cherish, to enjoy, to love on, to delight on, to take pleasure with --- body and soul.  You have declared that you have given ownership of your body to your husband, and the ownership rights are exclusively his alone.  This should therefore affect everything we do with our bodies and with our emotions.

Of course, ultimately, we belong to God.  Our body, soul and spirit are God's.  I am not negating that truth.  However, in holy matrimony, this giving of our being to our husband parallels our relationship with God.  On our earthly marriage, our oblation is to our husband, as it is to God in all matters.  That is why Paul exhorts the wives to submit to your husbands in all things as unto the Lord.

Hence, even in the way we dress, we do so for God first, then for our husbands.  I do not hold the final say to what I wear --- I have relinquished that right to my husband the day I said "I do".  When he tells me it's too short, I change.  When he tells me it's too loud, I change.  When he tells me it's too revealing, I add something to address that.  I don't do it because I am terrorized by my husband.  I do it because I honor him as I do the Lord.  My submission does not come out of coercion, but out of love and honor.

When Peter commanded the wives to narrow down your adornment to the incorruptible beauty within, he was not disqualifying the outward adornment.  In fact, he says "Do not let your adornment be merely outward..." So adorning yourselves on the outward is not bad at all.  But he goes beyond the outward, to the inward.  What he tells us is that your inward beauty is what puts and adds value to your outward adornment.  This is so true, ladies.  You can dress up in classy and simple ensembles and yet radiate with beauty; while you too can dress yourselves up with all the branded, expensive, trendy clothes, and yet, still look gloomy and insecure.

When you, as a wife, have made it a priority to dress up for your husband, you lose the need to compete with other women.  You are not running for the title of Miss Fashionista, you are simply dressing up for your husband's eyes only.  And when you have his approval, you can walk into the room understanding that you are walking in honor of your husband.  Submission to your husbands is beautiful in the sight of God and even in the sight of other people, though they may not easily admit it.  

I understand there are husbands who want their wives to dress sexy and in revealing fashion.  I dare say these are insecure husbands who simply want their egos pumped, displaying their wives as trophies rather than as precious daughters of God.  Women who come to me and tell me I look sexy will be guaranteed a correction from yours truly.  Sexy means sexually stimulating, and as a wife, you have no business trying to walk around in public places trying to stimulate other men sexually towards you.  Sexy dressing should only be made exclusive to your husband's pleasure, in the confines of private intimacy.

Lastly, a gentle and quiet spirit does not necessarily speak of a quiet personality.  It's spirit not a personality.  You can be an extrovert and still hold a gentle and quiet spirit.  How?  By trusting in the Lord at all times.  A woman full of fear will sound like a raging river, overflowing with all complaints, whines, and grumblings.  A woman who trusts in the Lord holds her peace in the Lord, in quietness of her spirit, she can submit even in times of confusion.  This is how the Lord describes true beauty for us women.  This is God's beauty prescription for us ladies --- trusting in the Lord without any fear.

I have been so blessed to be married to a man who holds this opinion:  "I have seen girls who can really dress up and look gorgeously stunning ---- until they open their mouths. Men should wait to see what these girls got when they start talking."  To him, what comes out of a girl's mouth reveals much of who she is.  And that, my friends, holds a lot of truth.  "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks."