Finding Your Fountain Of Life: Part 2 of The Wife's Renewing of the Mind
Were I to be asked that same question on the first year of my married life, my answer would have been different from what I gave that night.
Early on in our marriage, I often fought my way to the receiving end. I thought that being there would bring our relationship to a peak of satisfaction which I felt was lacking at that time. Hollywood has never failed to project that kind of expectation from the woman in a state of marriage. The husband works hard to buy his wife the most expensive jewelry. He surprises her with his gift and the scene shows the woman all teary-eyed, screaming in glee and feeling like a princess. He wakes up earlier than her and makes coffee for her, prepares the breakfast, while the wife simply comes up from behind and wraps her arms around him, gives him a morning sweet kiss. Or at work, the woman coming from a restroom break suddenly finds a dozen of long-stemmed roses on her desk and guess where it came from --- of course, from her devoted husband. Seldom do we see films that portray the woman in the backstage while the spotlight is on the husband. I'm sure there are more but on a quick recall, I can only count one --- Remember the Titans, starring Denzel Washington. Though his wife was a homemaker and was seldom seen at practices, she played a great role from the backstage. It was her hidden acts of courage and strength, of silence in a time of much pressure that kept the spotlight shining on her man.
I have had to renew my mind about this. I admit the way was not easy. Sometimes, you keep giving but never receiving from your spouse. How do you give when you yourself are found drained and empty and simply unable to give more? I wish I believed the secret early on, but I did not. Eventually, I gave it a try. You see, my friend, we've been lied to. Our husband is not our fountain of life. He is as needy as we are. He may not display his needs the way we do, may not express it the way we do. Nevertheless, the reality of his dire need for LIFE is as real as ours is. How then can we expect someone so needy to fill our own needs? That would look like me so hungry and expecting the street kid who's begging for food to feed my hunger.When I was single, I saw God as my Husband. I got that from Isaiah 54:5, "For the Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name..." I remember back in college, when I had to go out on Sundays alone, enjoying my Burger King or Kenny Rogers dinner alone, while at the other booths, couples or families would be laughing around enjoying their meal together. I remember feeling a slight of pity for myself being alone, and then reminding myself of this verse. I sought much comfort from this truth. I found my satisfaction in that promise. After dinner, I would stand in line for a jeepney ride going back to the campus and stand alone while everyone beside me were in the arms of their lover. I would rehearse the verse over and over in my mind, sang it in a low voice when I found an empty space in the front seat of the jeep. It kept the tears at bay. It kept my aching heart from drowning in self-pity. I would feel like crying and laughing at the same time because the more I rehearsed this truth in my heart, the more I felt His tangible presence. I felt His arms wrapped around me in my loneliness and then I just knew...I was not alone at all.
Then I got married, and I thought I'd drop the verse. After all, now I got a real husband. Sadly, I too made him to be like God. I began to see my husband as my maker --- the maker of my happiness, the maker of my satisfaction, the maker of fun times, the maker of romance --- all of which he can never be. There is only ONE MAKER in our life and His name is The Lord of Hosts. That is what Isaiah proclaimed. It did not occur to me that I was falling into idolatry. I began to put my husband on a position that was solely reserved for God in my life. Of course, I was always bound for disappointment. Disappointment created more frustrations. Frustrations bred more discontentment, and discontentment fueled my endless nagging.
Time and time again this secret has proven itself true. It is simply divine and remains to be a mystery to me. Not many partake of it because the only way to dip into the fountain of life is by bending yourself into a low position. Pride can produce counterfeit life, but humility opens up the wells of living waters in your heart.
Ladies, look to Jesus, your Maker, your Husband. Only then will you be able to remain standing on the giving end all the time. And guess what. The longer you stand on the giving end, the more you find yourself on the receiving end.
"Give and it shall be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38
