Christmas 2012
A month ago, I had imagined spending our Christmas Eve by the fireplace inside my brother-in-law’s beautiful new home in Cambridge, Ontario, with snow falling outside creating the perfect backdrop of what would be my first (and the kids’ first) White Christmas. In my mind, this would be one of the most close-to-perfect, hollywood-ish Christmas I would ever have in my entire life.
Little did I know what was coming ahead of us.
Everything had happened so fast. Too fast, actually. It is both good and bad. The picture of our situation is insanely both hope-dashing yet faith-provoking. It has taken all of me. And while the year comes to a close, God has chosen quite an unforgettable way of bringing out into the open what is stuffed inside of me. I wouldn’t mind any year end self-examination. It is in fact, a great requisite before stepping into the new year. However, this was one unexpected type of test which challenged not just everything in me, but also everything about me — my marriage, our family life, our financial state, our health, and the ministry.
Without having to share the nonessentials of our situation, allow me to write about the highlights of my Christmas this 2012.
First off on the list would be my marriage. This 29th, my husband and I will be celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary. Today, after all that we have been through and have put up with together, I still cannot imagine being married to someone else. As far as I’m concerned, I have tasted both ends of the vows I spoke eight years ago—the better and the worse, the richer and the poorer, and the sickness and the health. Still, I stand more in love with my husband today and our romance has survived it all and in fact, has grown most deeply during times like these. I think wives who flee during tough times are just missing out on the new romance that gets birthed at the end of the dark tunnels of marriage. Nap’s condition has taught me to love in levels I have never shown before — in patience and long suffering; in gentleness and kindness. At the same time, it has taught me to consider afflictions the way the Bible teaches us to — treat them lightly(“For our light and momentary afflictions are achieving for us an eternal glory that outweighs them all.” 2 Cor. 4:17) and learn to even laugh in spite of ourselves.
The Lord truly has His way of teaching us one-on-one. He so knows how to get personal with us. From the beginning of Nap’s accident to this day, I have felt His hand as if literally guiding my heart to where it should go. He has faithfully taken a hold of my emotions, leading them one step at a time to where they should be. He has trained my mind to contain the kind of thoughts mandated by the Apostle Paul in his letter to the Philippian church — true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy thoughts.
Obedience to God’s word when our covenant is put to the test takes us to True Love. There is no other way to it. Now I understand why Jesus said to His disciples before He was taken for trial, “If you obey My commandments, you will remain in my love.” His is true love and the only way to dwell in it is by obedience to His commands. A lot of people claim to have found true love and merely stated so by gauging the happiness, ecstasies and pleasures they have found with the other person. Love is no truer than when it meets the worst imperfections and the weakest weaknesses and still love by serving. When the normal reaction is blame, I have learned to turn aside from it and instead focus on what’s ahead, rather than dwell on regrets and should have’s. I have been stretched so much in this season of my life that I never knew I could expand this much. I’m glad the Lord took time to show me the increase of my capacity which He had taken time to build.
I boast in the Lord’s commandments when I say that I have learned true love. There have been a few well-meaning people who have shown pity for me because of what has happened. I feel everything but pity for myself. This is one of the huge reasons why I stand in awe of my Jesus. I had been Pity’s #1 fan for years and I used to easily run to it each time bad things happen in my life. I am so grateful I have been completely delivered from its clutches. If anything else, the accident has made me one of the luckiest benificiaries of precious lessons and truths that would never have come to me in rather ordinary circumstances.
Second on the list is the body of Christ. I have always loved the community of believers where God has planted my family and me in, but have never appreciated it as much as I do now. Nothing can contest the truth of the power of corporate prayer. I know when the prayers are going on, and I know when I’m running low on it. I can tell. I feel the flood of little miracles seeping through the crevices of my heart when the prayer levels are going high. If the church only helped by praying, I would already have been super grateful. The body of Christ went an extra mile, however. They went miles beyond the required minimum standard of generosity. They gave exceedingly. They shared abundantly. And they truly ministered to my husband, to my children and me, beyond our imagination. In short, they did not fail to display Christ. It is understandable to receive such support from our own biological families, and indeed without a doubt, we did. Our families on both sides have been generous and supportive all the way. They stood to hold us up during times of exhaustion. They opened their treasuries and gave us access to every financial help we need. For all that, my husband and I are truly blessed beyond words. That’s family life. Our spiritual family exceeded our expectations, though. It is because of the simple reason that none of them had to, and yet by their own volition, they did. Now that is church life. For all those who have been jaded by the existence of the body of Christ through its imperfections and frailties, I stand today as a genuine witness of the believers acting indeed as the body of Christbecause I have seen Christ through them.
Last night, as we gathered around at the dinner table for our traditional noche buena at 12 midnight, my husband led our family in a heart-touching prayer. Its brevity did not miss any of the significant truths that needed to be said. God has been perfectly faithful through and through with us. We look back at what may be our rockiest year since the day of our union, and we see so starkly clear how God’s faithfulness has consistently led us into triumphant procession in Christ. His love has never failed us and we rest, assured much that it never will.
This year’s Christmas celebration was not an anticipated one. Many indeed are the plans of our hearts, but it is God’s purpose that prevails. I don’t fret when my plans fail because I have learned that when they do, God’s divine purpose still prevails. And I prefer the greatness of His purpose over my own little plans.
It is a beautiful irony that the backdrop of a seemingly perfect Christmas I dreamed of turned out to be one marked with much limping, much sleeplessness, much exhaustion, but yes, much 1 Corinthians 13 kind of LOVE. And that, my friends, is the focal point of Christmas — L O V E.
I can’t wait to welcome 2013!
