Secret Treasures

One anonymous reader recently posted a comment asking me to share my experience in the waiting season of my life before my husband-then-friend heard from the Lord.

Before I begin, let me put a simple disclaimer here.  I do not write this in order to instill in you an expectation for a similar process.  I firmly believe that the Lord has reserved a unique love story for each one of us.  My story does not have to look like yours, and vice versa.  I hope that as you read along, you will mostly see principles beyond the story lines.  Principles never change, while story lines may.  Please do not make my story the basis of your own process. Do not make make it a standard.  Do not even make it a confirmation to your own story.  Should you feel that it is (a confirmation), I would like to plainly put out here that it was never my intention to make it look that way.  You must sincerely seek the Lord about that.

So here goes.

I planned on getting married at twenty-five.  I said my I do's at the age of 22.

I received a strong impression from the Lord during a youth prayer meeting in the summer of 2001 to "pray for Nap because he's not yet the man you're going to marry." I was still 18 at that moment. Well, my initial reaction was neither delight nor sorrow, not even excitement.  I actually felt nothing because I 'knew' it was something far in the future, which I had no business to worry about.  I did do a little bit of warfare at that time to confirm if that voice I heard was from the Lord or not.  Eventually, I felt a witness in my spirit so I settled it with myself.  I remember thinking, "Well, if it's from the Lord, great. If not, fine with me." I did not have feelings for Napoleon prior to this revelation, by the way.  So it was not hard for me to handle it.  At that time, he was in a backslidden state yet, so praying for him was definitely a need with or without the revelation.  When the meeting was over, I went to see my mentor that time (our youth pastor) and opened up to her what I felt I received from the Lord.  She was surprised herself, but she gave me a word of wisdom: "Keep it to yourself, but pray for him. You won't lose anything praying for him."  I also had a covenant sister with me at that time who heard what I told my mentor.  Until the day God brought Nap and me together, she had moved in wisdom by keeping it all to herself too.  You need those people around you --- your mentor/spiritual father or mother, and then a couple of covenant sisters.  Later that summer, before I had to fly back to Manila, I confessed it both to my older sister and another close friend, who was Nap's cousin.

The first semester after that summer, Nap started calling me long distance. Why, I had no idea. I still have no idea up to this day. I once asked him when we were already married, why he started calling me and he just shrugged off and said, "I don't know." So since then, we'd talk over the phone like twice or thrice a week.  I was then very careful not to open my heart.  I made sure that our conversations were literally all about Jesus.  I would only share with him the things that God was teaching and showing me through His Word. If he asked me about my day, I made sure to keep it factual sans the emotions. Nap is five years my senior so I was still calling him 'Kuya', which reminded me all the time that he is a brother in the Lord, not to be taken advantage of.

Pause.  Let me share the things that I significantly remember running though my thoughts that time:

I made sure I kept it that way the whole time we were friends, even as he went back to Canada for good.  My husband can definitely attest to that.  

The first confirmation the Lord stooped down to give me came in July of that year.  I had requested from the Lord that if Nap was truly the man I would marry in the future, that He would cause him to turn away from his backslidden life and return to Him as my birthday gift.  July came, and I could never forget that the night before my birthday, when my friends from Jesus Revolution took me to the place where I would be sleeping over, I received a text message from my friend in Cebu letting me know that Nap just got done with his deliverance session.  He was back with the Lord for good. My heart beat so fast that night, from shock that God actually did what I asked Him to, and from sudden realization that Nap was actually who I would be marrying in the future!

A year after I got the impression from the Lord, I received a vivid dream that was my strongest confirmation from the Lord before the final one. Mind you, in the course of waiting, I was still very much open to the thought that I heard wrong. I was exposed to a lot of young men around my age or a bit older who were also on fire for Jesus, who I could consider to be my 'possible future spouse'.  Although I had gotten a clear confirmation from the Lord, I had my own ideals that I could not easily let go.  I thought my future husband should also have a heart for Russia because at that time, my heart was weeping for Russia.  I wanted to be a missionary to Russia. I thought my husband should be running with Jesus Revolution too since I really expected to be in JRev for a long period of time, even after graduation.  However, as I began to seriously seek the Lord concerning my direction after graduation during my senior year, His plans started to unfold before my eyes in a way that was so different from what I had anticipated. My heart started to beat strong for the youth of Cebu.

Then in 2002, that same year I got the dream, a door was opened before me the summer before senior year to go to Germany.  Nap called me in the middle of the night, 2 days before our departure for Frankfurt.  I did not immediately recognize his voice as I was still groggy from sleep. I thought it was Luke from Germany, trying to check on my visa application, so when he finally told me it was him, I said, "Oh, hi Kuya Nap." To which, he replied ever so simply, "God, I miss you."  I couldn't believe what I just heard! My heart jumped into a million beats per second right there and then! For the first time since we became friends, I started feeling something for him!  I can never forget that phone call ever.  It was our first "real talk".  It was not the usual profound revelations from God.  It was simply about our day.  How our day went, what he did, how he felt, his raw emotions about missing everything in Cebu, and all.  For the first time, I felt like we talked heart-to-heart.

And that scared me. Like crazy.