Secret Treasures

Recently I had a very funny vision of Adam and Even in the Garden of Eden when they decided to eat the fruit from the forbidden tree.  Of course, I cannot guarantee you that this came from God.  Most likely, it was another product of my ridiculous imaginative mind. But here is the picture:

         Eve listens to the sly serpent market the fruit.  The serpent sounds like the perfect sales man, 

      able to make you feel like you really need to have it.  Fast forward, Eve takes a bite from the 

      fruit and voila, her eyes are suddenly charged with a vicious kind of light, no longer that of holy

      innocence, but a sinister form of intelligent 'spark'.  It suddenly converts the formerly submissive

     wife into a hyperactive, nagging woman, filled with so-called "smart ideas" (she just took the first

     bite from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil after all), and now, she is the ultimate endorser

     of Eden's First Forbidden Fruit.  Her market? Adam.

     Adam was going to say something.  He tried. Hard, actually.  Here is my imagined dialogue in script

     form...

Adam: Eve, I don't think---

          Eve:  Oh  Adam, it is the most super duper uber delicious fruit in the whooooole of Eden, I swear!  You really should try it! Look, I am still alive! Look at me! Are you listening? Don't you care what I think about this fruit, Adam?  Adam! I thought you love me! I thought you care for me! If you really do, you should at least consider my tastes! Come on, Adam, try it! Please, please, pretty please....

         Adam:  No, Eve, the Father said...

         Eve:  Look, I'm going to take another bite. (Bites) See, I'm still alive! Come on, Adam.  Just give it a try.  Don't you care about what I feel?  You always think about yourself, about what God thinks of you, about what God says here and there.  You're always thinking about what's good for everyone.  What's good for Eden, what's good for the world, what's good, what's good...  What about me, Adam?  Why can't I have this fruit when it feels and tastes so good?!  What is wrong with you? Don't you want me to be fulfilled and happy and satisfied?!

And the words go on and on like an incessant raging river of whines and cries and nags.  Adam decides that in order for Eve to just stop talking, he will have to just take one tiny bite ----

 just so Eve would STOP TALKING.

And the rest is human history.

Of course, this scene is not in the Bible.  But reality makes it easy to imagine.  Especially our culture's reality.  

Here is the man, the one God has mandated to lead the marriage and his family --- your husband, mind you.  He is doing his best to make the right decision.  He is processing to see what is the best thing he can do in a particular predicament his family is in.  His processor might still be Pentium 4 while yours is a dual core running at minimum of 2 GHz.  In technological matters, yours is sure to lead.  In relational matters, speed does not determine leadership position.  It is by divine assignment.  And in this case, Pentium 4 has been appointed to lead the Dual Core.

Ladies, our husbands process better without extra noises.  His mind considers many things we women don't.  They take longer time to make a decision because they are aware of their responsibility once the decision is finalized and realized.  They may be quiet while processing because that's how they think things through best.  They are not like us, who enjoy thinking out loud even if it sometimes makes no sense.

Our role as wives is to assist in their decision-making process, NOT to make the decision.  Believe me, there is a great schism between those two roles.  In assisting, we only present viable options, possible consequences, and alternative methods.  Presenting is different from insisting.  Must I elaborate that the former verb is not imposing, not demanding, and leaves a huge open room for a voluntary choice whether the presented idea is acceptable or not?

Let us wear our skirts well, and let the men wear their pants up.  Let your husbands lead without you interfering all the time.  Wait for your husband to ask for your "most priceless" opinions rather than brag about them.  Stop comparing your processor to his and perhaps he might end up wanting to upgrade in the near future --- by asking the Lord, or his own comrades, and not you to upgrade him (hihihihi).

Wives, it does not make you any less sharp or smart if your husbands are the ones calling the shots in your homes.  It does not make you any less important or useful in the marriage if you let your husband lead while you assist alongside.  

Fulfillment is found in knowing that you are in the right place at the right time doing the right thing.  And when we wives function as a helpmeet, not as the leader of the house, we will find true contentment in knowing that we are at our right place doing the right thing at the right time.

I have no doubt that God created the woman with an extremely powerful gift of W-O-R-D-S.

We are so in touch with everything in and around us that we are oftentimes able to articulate into words what men can only fumble in their thoughts.

This gift however, functions only as far as the condition of our hearts is.  When God created Eve to be the helpmeet of Adam, I believe this was the part of the woman that He made sure to install well and good in order to accomplish her intended role.

However, given our fallen state, this gift has been distorted and perverted many times in our lives.  What was created for the intention of standing alongside the man to encourage, affirm, and strengthen him to fulfill God's mandate has been used so many times to destroy.  Sometimes we do it deliberately.  Many times we do it unconsciously.

How do we end up destroying rather than encouraging?

Grumbling, whining, complaining are irritating noises to our husband's ears.  I believe it is annoying because ears were not created to hear that. Especially the man's ears. (hahahaha)  Words that are filled with bitterness, hatred, and anger, whether directed towards your spouse or towards somebody else sound like a clanging cymbal that is playing no particular melody at all, but only making noise.

This is not to teach pretentiousness, but rather to address contentiousness.  This is not to say that we can never point out anything in our marriage or in our family that needs a lot of improvement.  This is to teach us women to understand that in everything, GOD is in control, and we are not.  The reason why we don't stop talking is because we think our words will "handle the situation", only to find out later, it only made things worse.

There is a secret that I have discovered yet still am in the process of learning well.  It is that when I see something that needs to be addressed, GOD saw it first.   We might get caught off guard when things don't go the way we assume they would, but the Lord is never surprised with anything.  The better news is that He who is not surprised with anything is the One in control.  Aren't you glad about that?  So He never reacts.  He simply ACTS.  We, on the other hand, who can't see things from afar, react so many times which always result to more chaos.

Restless waters run noisily.  Peaceful waters run still and quiet.  Both types run well, but how they run is where they differ.  This is why we ladies must allow the Lord to fill us with His peace that surpasses all understanding.  When we are filled with this kind of peace, we are able to stand still no matter how strong the storm around us rages.  And this, my dear young wives, is how we can become the helpmeet God intended us to be to our husbands.  In the midst of a storm, the last companion your husband needs is a fearful, hysterical, grumbling, and whining wife.  What he needs is a woman of peace, who is able to quietly submit to him in moments of great adversity, not because his instructions are perfect but because she understands that neither the two of them are in control in the storm --- God is.  

The words your husband needs in his low seasons are not that which compose a lecture, but that which sounds straight from a raw Hallmark card, directly from the heart of God.  If your husband did make a mistake and you see it, he does not need a sermon.  He needs a partner to admit the fault together with him.  I know it sounds crazy.  But really, it's biblical.  After all, the two shall become one.  That holds true with both success and mistakes.  It is better to say, "Our fault in this matter is..." rather than "Your fault in this mess is..."

Let your words with your husband be seasoned with grace.  Let your words be filled with truth and encouragement.  Speak more can's instead of cannot's.  Say we more often than you.  Learn to be expressive with your spouse as you count your blessings (which includes him) and to be silent in prayer when you are distraught with matters that need a lot of work.

I will conclude with this passage from the book of Proverbs.

"A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man (or woman) holds them back."
                            - Prov. 29:11 *or woman* added by me.